A WRITER NOT A SPEAKER~

In spite of my obvious obsession with words, I am not always eloquent. Often, I am, in person, at loss for words. Believe it? It is true. I am one who suffers stage fright. I won several awards for a poem, years ago, it was something that I was so proud of; I was invited to come and accept a merit award in Reno, NV. It was a huge gathering; there were to be famous writers, publishers, personalities, and so forth. I wanted to go badly, I did not. You know why? I got stage fright! Wayne Newton, and several literary notables would MC/ host the event; well, I had these visions of me, with long gown, perfectly groomed, walking up the stairs to the stage, and tripping! Ha! I let myself miss an event of my life over fear! There is no greater fear than fear itself! Another time, I was managing a restaurant, and, was given a commercial shot with a local cable provider. I was well-rehearsed, and, was fine UNTIL, the camera came upon me: I froze, you could see it in my face, it was total panic! The interviewer was skilled with dealing with frozen subjects, so,was able to lead me along. I answered stiffly, occasionally, and the rest of the time, just nodded my head... It was hilarious! I have the whole thing on tape. Sometimes, I pull it out for a good laugh! But, in reality, it is not funny; not at all! I am not exactly shy, however, I am rather timid. I am a humble being, and, I get embarrassed easily, which leads to nervousness, which leads to whatever! I have been working on this part of my character since then. It is not easy! I can manage 50 people, delegate, fire, and handle any publicity I need to, but, I falter in the face of the presence of cameras, lights, action! I am sure that when my opportunity arises again, I will at least, attempt to make the scene, however, I will yet have that knot in my gut, that racing heart, and the fear that I won't be able to confront all of those people... I do not falter easily in any other area of life, which means that I simply have to face and get past the fear of fear...