SMOOTH SOUNDS

Loading...

A LESSON IN SELF INCLINATION~~~

She was a legend in her own mind; to her no one could match her in looks, style, intelligence, or wit, she was convinced that she was the best...

She went through much of her life comparing other people to herself, each time assessing that they were no where close to her self-proclaimed status, and, she felt so alone because no one could relate to her and she could not relate to them...

Yes, she was good looking, though certainly not a show stopper, and, yes, she was dressed to the nines most of the time, and while she was intelligent, she was not above average, and her wit was laced with sarcasm, though it was quick, it was not what anyone would call great...

Years went by and with them, went many men and friends, for they could not handle her uppity attitude, and, while they believed in having confidence, this woman's ego was out of control; so much that she was lonely, angry, and, frustrated that others could not see her the way she was. She just did not get it that they, indeed, did see her for what she was, and, that was the problem...

A few men who were legends in their own minds happened to teach her some lessons along the way, much later in life. She had the audacity to complain about how self convinced these men were, and, thought that their egos were bigger than life, she was slow at seeing the likeness to herself...

In her early 50's she began to see what she had done with her life. It tormented her, for it was now almost too late to make up for it. She did not understand that you cannot make up for the past. She tried and tried to make up for it, wasting another 10 or 15 years...

As her 65th birthday arrived, she was beaten; she was alone, never had any children, no friends, no one. She was defeated by her own self, and, there was little time left to make life as it should be...

She did, however, decide, finally, that she would make the most of the time she had left. She became outgoing, friendly, vivacious, and, wonderful to be around. She made friends of many people. She volunteered her time for various causes, and, advised people of all ages about many things. She was finally happy...

On her 67th birthday, she met a man, whom she fell in love with. She did not know that she had been with him many years before, and, he did not tell her. He had loved her way back then, but, with her attitude, he had grown bored, thus, he had departed from further entanglement with her....

After a whirlwind romance, they were married some months later. She was on cloud 9 for sure. Life had worked out after all, until she went to the Doctor and was told that she had terminal cancer of the pancreas. Her whole high had been leveled to below ground level. She was defeated once again; only this time she did not dwell in defeat, rather she kept quiet about her illness and pursued what happiness she could find, ever keeping her attitude on a light note. She did not tell her new husband for fear that he would abandon her, or that she would bring him down, no, she kept it to herself, battling it every moment of her now uncertain time...

Fighting terminal cancer was expensive and difficult to do. She tried every option available, and, her husband was beginning to notice that something was wrong with her. She was always chipper, but, her body was showing signs, also, there were times when she was violently ill, which was a result of the chemo and other drugs. He finally confronted her and she told him....

He was furious with her for keeping it a secret. He did not understand her reasoning for doing so. He felt that she had been selfish and had decided his role in this problem for him. They began to have troubles, which did not help her battle with the deadly disease, and, she became sicker and sicker. One day while she was in the hospital, he left her. Just left her cold with no regards for what he might be doing to her...

When she went home, she found out that he had left her. There was no note, letter, or other explanation, just empty drawers and closets where his belongings had once been. She cried and cried and cried...

A few weeks later she passed away, all alone, and in unimaginable pain. There was no one to care for her, for she had once again alienated everyone in her life by deciding what they should or should not have to feel or suffer. Her legacy was nothing more than wrong choices, which she ultimately paid the price for...

I am happy that for a short while she got a taste of what life is like when we just live without constraints of selfish ideals....

No comments: